These people SUCK! (Part – 1)
I’m not a fan of people. People suck.
However, some people suck more than other people. These degenerates make an already painful existence worse with their annoying behavior(s). Honestly, we could put them all on a one way spaceship to Mars. And then design that space ship to explode. Just in case.
So here’s a list of these festering wounds on the surface of humanity. Pick your kind and send them this. Maybe they’ll just KILL THEMSELVES.
1. People who use words like “cognizance”, “paradigm”, “touch base” & “corporate synergy”
You’re a mid-management slick who’s had the morning vada-pao on a piece of the Economic Times. We know you use these “buzzwords” to divert attention away from the bald patch and pot-belly during endless meetings that achieve nothing but justify your job.
You want to feel intelligent, important, and all-knowing, when you really are a steaming turd who people are forced to bear, just because you’ve got them by the goddamned appraisals.
You could also be one of those corporate bullshitters who pepper ghost written interviews on behalf of top bosses with these “buzzwords”, so to make the pan-masala-chewing-incoherently-blabbering top Lala who couldn’t construct a simple sentence in English sound like an “industry leader”.
Honestly, you should be strapped on to final module of the space ship to Mars.
On the outside.
So to finally understand what being at the “zenith” REALLY feels like.
2. People who use feet as a foreground in their vacation pictures.
Your feet are ugly. Honestly, very few people have nice looking feet. You’re not one of them. And even if you THINK they look nice (they don’t), WHY THE FUCK DO I WANT TO SEE THEM ON INSTAGRAM AS I TAKE MY MORNING SHIT?
Seriously. Get the feet off the frame. It’s enough that the world has to put up with crooked, badly shot pictures of your vacation (better versions of which are available through a simple Google search), to have to look at the sun rising out of your crooked toes.
Take my advice and keep that phone inside your fanny-pack. Why add to the all pervasive ugliness?
3. People who tuck in their T-shirts in the front to show off the “designer” belt buckle.
We get it.
You have no achievements in life except for your inherited money.
But that little shiny buckle that you bought with the money that your “business” could have better used to pay its employees properly is not attractive.
It’s a shining beacon of douchebaggery that signals everyone but gold diggers and your kind, to keep away.
Come to think of it now, that ain’t something I can shake my finger at.
4. People who flood social media with pictures of their kids.
Kids are like feet.
Very few of them are good looking.
Also, the infants HARDLY ever are. They all look the same. Like giant raisins.
If the world saw beauty in giant raisins, someone would have figured them out by now.
The older ones usually stare straight at the camera like I’d stare at my great grandmother waking me up at night.
She died in the early 1900s BTW.
Why would you think the rest of the world wants to see that look? Why would you think they even give a shit?
To you having a baby might feel like the biggest miracle that happened on the face of the planet. However, around 300 of those “miracles” happen every minute. Continuously.
There is no reason to put up these genetically unfortunate children on display. Keep em hidden till they look like humans for god’s sake!
That’s the least you can do for world wide happiness.
5. People over 18 who use phrases and words like “my main man”, “fleek”, “fam”, “swag” & “slay”
Everyone’s growing old.
You? You’re going stale.
Every generation has their set of mistakes. We had our boy/girl bands and mix-tapes.
The 00’s generation, among other things, has its vocabulary. Their stunted sense of exclamation is a mark of shame that they will grow up with, and reminisce about when you’re paying for your first angioplasty.
Respect the age gap on both ends. You look about as cool using these words as that creepy uncle with the colored mustache, when he decides to wear a pair of cargo shorts with ankle length socks.
Cease and fucking desist.
Hit yourself with a Roget’s or a Wren and Martin.
You stopped being a teenager more than a decade ago. At least let your vocabulary show for it.